My cat died late at night on the 21st. I've been crying and unable to draw... I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't stand to think... I can't do anything but sit and cry... I miss him so much. He was like my own child. Anyone who never met me in person... really can't even know. I can't describe how much he meant to me. He's gone now. With a grave in my back yard. I can't believe he's gone. He was only four years old... I found him early in the morning drenched in rain water in our front yard. I opened the door and he started yowling at me. I immediately started crying. I was scared.

The whole day I was supposed to spend with Nick doing fun things, we spent taking care of Smoky instead. I had hoped it was just a sore leg because he kept limping on it...

That wasn't the case. His ribs were smashed in... He had gashes on his sides which indicated that he wasn't hit by a car but it suggested something more like a boar... I layed down with him to comfort him and he bit my finger, which I'm not mad about by any means, because he was in more pain than I could know. It started bleeding and I can't use it still... He couldn't breathe properly and kept yowling. He threw himself off my bed twice and the couch once... I then figured out he wasn't going to make it through the night at around 9-something in the evening. Nick then told me, "He's probably trying to find a place to die. That's probably why he keeps throwing himself everywhere and trying to crawl away. Cause that's what animals do." I knew what he meant, but at first I didn't want to believe him... But I knew he was probably right...

Later Lolo (pronounced low low... she's my mom's best friend named laura but she married my step dad's brother, Rusty so now she's my aunt) She called the hospital to see if they could put down animals and they said they could... So we put Smoky in a basket and not even a fourth of the way there he took his last breath. We pulled over at a gas station and I cried even harder. I couldn't believe it. Smoky was gone.

We went home, covered him up and put him in the garage overnight. In the afternoon of the next day, we buried him. He now has a grave in the back yard. I miss him so much... I can't help but cry as I type this right now.

I hope those of you will understand that I can't draw properly... My finger still hurts and I miss him too much to draw anyway.

I do have a bunny now. His name is Dusty. He'll keep me company. I'm not nor could I ever replace Smoky, because the memories of him will always be there. He will forever be ingrained in my mind as my first actual pet that was specifically mine and not the family's... and also my baby. We miss you Smoky...